School

by Carla Vet

 
    For the first time in my life, I don't especially care what other kids think of me. They're so dumb. And when I say that, it sounds like I'm immature. But that's the exact opposite. I'm too far into maturity.
    So I don't dress the same. So I don't spend my spare time idolizing a squeaky-voiced boy who reeks of testosterone and ritalin. I am me.
    Yes! Of course! Before I was so panicked to be like them.......but now, I'm so cool, they should be like me instead.

    Confidence is a precious thing. If you get it, never ever lose it.

    And I lie in my bed, thinking back to seventh grade. And read my yearbook. My yearbook! Ah, yes, my yearbook. The horrible ugly student-designed monocolored piece of garbage, flooded with barely legible scrawls of unintelligent wishes. All of them the same. The same scrawl, same message. From so many people. But no, it was like one message, repeating, repeating.....several messages, coming from one mind. One empty mind.

    Your a good freind. Have a good summer. See you next year. Have a good summer. This year was fun. You're a good friend. See you next year.

    These people don't know me! I realize with a cold shiver. All my life, I've known these---these strangers! Why on earth would I want to return to this place, this horror, this hell, filled of people, the people of one mind???

    More questions flowed through my brain. Why, why, why?

    And then.....it felt so odd. I believe in myself, I believe in who I am. I am completely satisfied with what I've become, what I've made myself. And yet........it felt so.........so odd........

    How could someone with so much self-confidence feel the urge to kill herself?

    That was it, I realized. I was happy, and yet I discovered I was trying to convince myself I didn't want to die.

    Then I laughed, sullenly. Wouldn't that be funny. What would they say then, those people of one mind? What would they think, me greeting them, smiling and waving, waving my hand and a bandage wrapped around my wrist????

    I came to my senses. Well, that is if I had senses, I might have come to them right then. the dream was better to think than to do. I will fit in, just watch me!

    Because I am confident, and no bastard could ever take that away from me. I will fit in. I will fit in.
 
 

    Someday. :-)
 

The End